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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 24 Jun 2012 :  01:03:35 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Polish Moose Hunters . . .





Two Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.

The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Stan survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Stosh asked Stan, "Any idea where we are?"

Stan replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."



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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 24 Jun 2012 :  12:46:45 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kiwi Mal

Had everyone going around saying bugger every time something trivial went wrong.


That's called "effective advertizing".

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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 24 Jun 2012 :  2:39:58 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Got to love the polish people.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 25 Jun 2012 :  11:39:01 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Cannot
Understand
Normal
Thinking!


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 26 Jun 2012 :  10:13:43 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
hahahahaha

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 26 Jun 2012 :  12:56:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Copper Wire Discovered

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read:

"California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, a local newspaper in Memphis,Tennesee reported the following:

"After digging down about 30 feet deep in his plot of land near the City of Memphis,Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Tennesee had already gone wireless".

Just makes a person proud to be from Tennesee.


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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 27 Jun 2012 :  07:33:36 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Too funny got to love Bubba.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 28 Jun 2012 :  09:16:03 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready

to
pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland
Security
running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out
that
she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!


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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 28 Jun 2012 :  5:15:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
that would be a scary site.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 05 Jul 2012 :  2:38:34 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Obama so loved the poor...
He created millions more...


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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torqueymonster
Cochise

USA
524 Posts

Posted - 05 Jul 2012 :  2:53:06 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Yeah, but can you even figure out if you like Romney? How do you even know what he stands for?
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 05 Jul 2012 :  5:13:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
No pissin on the joke topic.

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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 05 Jul 2012 :  5:22:00 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Back to topic:

Husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the
dance floor giving it large - breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the
works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he
proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says:
"Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"


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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 06 Jul 2012 :  4:07:46 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
New female body piercing:





And now there's Walmart Bingo:




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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 06 Jul 2012 :  6:09:10 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
hahahhaha to funny.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 07 Jul 2012 :  10:57:32 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.

Edited by - Blued and Painted on 07 Jul 2012 8:44:40 PM
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 07 Jul 2012 :  12:30:31 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
haha

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 09 Jul 2012 :  03:43:46 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 09 Jul 2012 :  07:11:55 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Speaking of comical pussies:
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 09 Jul 2012 :  10:51:14 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote




Edited by - Cobrabill on 09 Jul 2012 10:56:19 AM
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 10 Jul 2012 :  12:43:50 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
It can be if it is too hairy. Watch out for fleas

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 10 Jul 2012 :  12:55:09 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
LOL!


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 10 Jul 2012 :  1:45:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Polish Airways Flight: During the trip an engine flames out. The Pilot gets on the speaker and tells the passengers not to be alarmed, the engine fire was self extinguished and there are still 3 engines which are more than sufficient to safely carry the plane to its destination, however it would add 15 minutes to their trip. A short time later another engine flames out. Again, the Pilot informs the passengers of the mishap, yet assures them that there are still two engines which can easily transport them to the safety of their final destination, but there would be a further half hour delay in addition to the previous extra 15 minutes added to the trip as a result. Approximately an hour later, the THIRD engine flames out. Now, obviously nervous, the Pilot informs the passengers that although there is only one engine left, it was the best and newest of the four engines and was only recently overhauled. He then went on to promise the passengers that he had the utmost confidence in the ability of the last engine to safely transport the plane to its intended destination. However, the Pilot added, there would be an additional hour added to the trip as well as the aforementioned half hour and 15 minutes. At this point, one Polish passenger turns to another and complains "if we loose that last engine we are going to be up here all day"!

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 12 Jul 2012 :  6:23:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote




Edited by - Cobrabill on 12 Jul 2012 6:25:33 PM
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 12 Jul 2012 :  6:24:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote



Edited by - Cobrabill on 12 Jul 2012 6:29:33 PM
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  10:56:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  2:53:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  4:07:25 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
: Not being retarded


: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered
wives' shelter?
: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
: They don't listen.

: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
: Gonorrhea

: Why did God create yeast infections?
: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating c*nt once in
a while too

: How can you tell a macho woman?
: She rolls her own tampons.

. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.


. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
: Marry it.

Why do men pay more for car insurance?
: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.



. Why do women call it PMS?
: Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

. What's a mixed feeling?
: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

. What's the height of conceit?
: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

. What's the definition of macho?
: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
: The cake jumps out of the girl.

. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

.

: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

: How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
: When the big hand touches the little hand...

. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
: They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

. Why is divorce so expensive?
: Because it's worth it.


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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  4:24:38 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Awful


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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bnorris_74
Crazy Horse

USA
1442 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  4:47:47 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.


Reminds me of rodeo sex.

Mount your wife/partner from behind and whisper in her ear: "You're not as good as your sister is."
Then you try to hold on for 10 seconds.
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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 13 Jul 2012 :  11:32:09 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Good stuff!!

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 14 Jul 2012 :  3:45:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
hahaha tooo funny. good stuff.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2012 :  10:12:21 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Alerts To Threats In 2012 Europe

By John Cleese (British writer, actor and tall person):


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."



The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.



-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person - A final thought -
"Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."



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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2012 :  11:14:34 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Lets see, thousands of our enemy dying in Syria and the Russians arming both sides. Humm.


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.

Edited by - Blued and Painted on 24 Jul 2012 3:25:25 PM
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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2012 :  11:39:54 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I could hear Cleese's voice in my head as I read it! How true and hilarious at the same time!

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.
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bnorris_74
Crazy Horse

USA
1442 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2012 :  1:18:36 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
My favorites:

quote:
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


quote:
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."


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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2012 :  3:12:38 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote





Edited by - Cobrabill on 24 Jul 2012 3:14:27 PM
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 25 Jul 2012 :  07:51:10 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Who the F would molest a gator. I do like the smart car for rednecks.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 25 Jul 2012 :  10:36:33 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Exhaust is spelled wrong.

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 26 Jul 2012 :  07:13:00 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Big Ole fart pipe.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.

Edited by - rad400 on 26 Jul 2012 07:13:25 AM
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sixt8bird
Chief Many Horses

USA
1114 Posts

Posted - 28 Jul 2012 :  02:08:38 AM  Show Profile  Visit sixt8bird's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Guy walks into a gay bar. First person seeing him says.........Can I push your stool in?
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sixt8bird
Chief Many Horses

USA
1114 Posts

Posted - 28 Jul 2012 :  02:17:59 AM  Show Profile  Visit sixt8bird's Homepage  Reply with Quote
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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 28 Jul 2012 :  09:03:47 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hahahahaha good one Steve.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 28 Jul 2012 :  10:54:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 29 Jul 2012 :  5:45:46 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


This actually happened with some guys from Maine .
They dressed the truck up with the guy spread-eagled on the roof.
The driver and passengers put on Moose heads.
They went down the Maine toll road Interstate, causing 16 accidents.
Yes, they went to jail. Yes, alcohol was involved.


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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 02 Aug 2012 :  11:06:09 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/excited-train-guy-video-double-rainbow-210735869.html

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rad400
War Paint

USA
1251 Posts

Posted - 03 Aug 2012 :  07:02:40 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I like the moose one but the train one is dumb.

Conrad
79 Trans Am 400 auto Crower 60210 Torker II Holley 750 vac sec. #12 heads,3500 stall.
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Phil
The Great White Buffalo

USA
7221 Posts

Posted - 03 Aug 2012 :  07:11:25 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The train buff is a douche. As Bugs Bunny would say: "What a Maroon"!

Bowties are for Pee-wee Herman. "Chevy": even the name sounds cheap, but not as cheap as your Pontiac will be with an LS transplant.

Edited by - Phil on 03 Aug 2012 12:25:10 PM
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Cobrabill
Talking Dog

Aruba
3128 Posts

Posted - 03 Aug 2012 :  09:46:29 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
We run into those types every once in awhile.We have a hard-core foamer that hired out and almost shot a load when he saw that his auto rack train was carrying Mercedes Benz.We didn't have the heart to tell him,that if they are on a train,they are low-end MB's.


Edited by - Cobrabill on 03 Aug 2012 11:19:30 AM
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Blued and Painted
Chief PONTIAC

USA
3409 Posts

Posted - 03 Aug 2012 :  09:52:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


Bull Nose Formula/ 461/ Q-Jet/
TH400/ 3.08 8.5 / R44TS.
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